How Judgment Hurts Ourselves and Others

For a long time I was talking behind other people’s backs.  I was sharing information that was NOT mine to share.  And I was silently, judging and criticizing everyone around me.  Until I really, really badly hurt someone who I once called my best friend. 

I knew it was wrong but I would continuously make self-righteous exceptions for this kind of behavior.  When we judge or gossip, or talk behind someone’s back we know it’s a bad thing.  Everyone knows it’s bad. But we think it’s only bad because it hurts the other person.  Therefore, we still do it anyway if we think the other person will never find out. 

But what we don’t realize is that every time we do this we are hurting ourselves and we are hurting our relationships with others.  In the background, trust begins to erode between ourselves, the people we are talking about, and the people we are gossiping with.  Our integrity disintegrates and we have to continue the cycle of judging others so we can feel better about our broken selves. 

The only way to break the cycle is to begin to turn our attention inward and stop putting up with our own bullshit.  Stop ruffling our own feathers.  Stop making exceptions for us and only us.  Stop thinking we are somehow better than others.  Stop thinking that we somehow are allowed to behave poorly meanwhile pointing the finger outward towards the rest.  Only then, when we are tough on ourselves about stopping those sorts of thoughts and behaviors, do we actually create the space we need to start loving ourselves again.  And in turn, find the ability to truly love those around us too.  



Suggested reading:

-Braving the Wilderness by Brene Brown

-Judgment Detox by Gabrielle Bernstein 


Let me know how if you are on the same page.  Have you been aware of the rampant judgment in our society?  What do you do to personally overcome the urge to judge?  We love to hear your stories.  

Let us know in the comments :)



1 comment

Kendra LaGrande

I love this!  In the last year I have walked away from a friendship slowly that was based on pure gossip.  I realized how it was making my body feel when we would gossip as it actually brought me pain during and after our gossip sessions.  Once I started pulling away from this person, my body started feeling better and I realized how toxic our judging others had become.  I too have read Braving the Wilderness and really enjoyed it.  Thank you for this blog.  It really resonated with me.  I look forward to reading the other book you mentioned. 

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